dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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