The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
