i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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