im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
