you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
