Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
