Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
