She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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