I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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