i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
