my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
