The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
