How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
