So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
