capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just gift wrapped bread.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
