This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
