I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
