What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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