we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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