When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
