I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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