I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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