they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
