There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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