If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
