just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
