yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
