glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
