Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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