She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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