I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
