I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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