uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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