Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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