I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize