the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
