Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
