So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
