New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
