dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
