3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize