So drunk its hurt
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
