Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
