Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
