He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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