Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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