I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
