I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
