put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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