i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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