the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
