This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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