and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
