You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
