why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
my poor anus
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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