His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
