Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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