I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
