rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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