Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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