i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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