kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
