yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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