you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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